Must Love Books - Shauna Robinson

***My favorite quotes/mentions will be at the end of this review post!***

This book is now one of my top favorites. 5/5 stars.

Check for TW before reading! If you are a 20-something, lost in their career, don't know what their passion/purpose is in life, I recommend this book. Must Love Books followed a 27ish-year-old, Nora Hughes, as she maneuvers her way around her publishing job and role. Many small inconveniences have occurred at work that are beginning to gradually affect Nora's mental health. Nora realizes that what she is currently doing in her life - isn't necessarily what she dreamt of and it most definitely not bringing her any form of happiness. MLB follows Nora along as she tries to discover who she really is, what her passion is, and what her purpose is in life.

I am one to believe that everything happens for a reason and that the timing of our individual experiences reveals plenty. To extend on this, I initially saw Must Love Books at Barnes and Noble on Feb. 2nd, 2022 and I read the synopsis as well as the first couple of pages but decided not to purchase it. Then, I saw this book at my local library under the 'new fiction' books and was ecstatic that it was the same book I wanted to purchase nearly three months ago. The book is slow-paced at the beginning, but I didn't have a problem with that because it allows me to digest information easily and not feel rushed.

Personally, I related to Nora Hughes more than I have related to any other fictional character I have read in a really, really long time. Specifically, Nora is trying to make a career change. She is trying to make herself happy and increase her happiness scale from a 3 out of 10 to the national average which is a 6 point something. Nora also talks about depression and how it gradually eases into her, grips her, and doesn't let her go. She mentions s*ici*e ideation and how it's so difficult to explain to others what the 'monster' makes her think and how scary her thought process is when an inconvenience occurs to her. I have dealt with this in varying degrees - but have been the most impacted since the beginning of 2022. I haven't read such a simple, yet impacting description of s*ici*e ideation in a book the way I have read in MLB. It talks about hope, falling in love, learning from one's mistakes, second and third chances, and overall doing things for YOURSELF rather than anybody else. It sends a message that there will be times in our lives where we won't know what the freak we are doing and that will FORCE us to gradually shed our older selves to we can step into a new version of ourselves.

If I could type all my favorite quotes and sections from MLB, I would but then this review would be longer than a short essay.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

As aforementioned, Must Love Books touches on sensitive subjects, mostly su*c*de ideation. A paragraph about said SI really struck me because it felt like it resonated so deeply with me and my experiences.

"Since Nora's first introduction to the allure of su*c*de, it kept coming back to her. Whenever she faced something even slightly difficult or felt that pinch of despair, it crept out of the dark corners of her mind to remind her it was still there, willing to talk whenever she was. Nora began to think of life as a battle between herself and this creature. It lurked in the shadows of her mind, always watching, always waiting for a moment when she was vulnerable enough to listen to what it had to say" (p. 154).

That quote/paragraph struck me in such a profound way. It is so simply written, however, it's the connotation behind the meaning of these words that had me rereading and reflecting on the imagery. When Nora begins thinking dark thoughts, she calls it the 'monster' and as someone who has had said thoughts in the past, it definitely is a monster that is constantly nagging, waiting for a sliver of moment when one messes up to take full control. Specifically, when one is vulnerable and has a vulnerable state of mind, it is so incredibly easy for these negative thoughts to take control and overwhelm one if they don't have ways to cope or disengage with these thoughts and it becomes all-consuming and suffocating.

This next paragraph I want to share is one that I felt like the universe sent specifically for me to read at this current moment (May 2022). I have been struggling with finding a job post-grad and I have gone through several imposter syndrome/identity crisis, etc. etc. in the past 6 months when it comes to finding my purpose/meaning and a fulfilling job. As Nora is searching for a new job outside of her initial career, she gathers with coworkers in her office building and these coworkers brainstorm and share some ideas that provide Nora with insight she previously had not received (and at this moment, I felt like I was Nora and the Universe was the coworkers speaking to me).

Nora says she needs to figure out what to do next but doesn't know what is going to happen. One of her coworkers, Julia, tells her she can do anything:

"There are a lot of other ways you can make a living until you figure out what you want to do," Julie said. "You can Uber. You can be a temp. You can wait tables. You can freelance. A lot of people have career shifts. Most of them figure out what they want to do by falling into different jobs. I always thought I wanted to be an English teacher - until I was an English teacher. Then I took some classes and got a certificate in developmental editing, and I realized that's what I want to do. Career paths are kind of a lie" (Julie - p. 278).

This paragraph alone is what I meant by the Universe trying to send me a message. I am in constant battle with myself regarding what I want to work in/do for the rest of my life, and as a 23-year-old, I become extremely overwhelmed because I want a job that is fulfilling to me and that will bring me alignment and financial stability. However, I feel like I must have everything figured out right this second. Julie implying that most people figure out what they really want to when they least expect it is what made me take a step back and be like "oh....OH." Because I am very much a control freak, I come to the realization that because I want to control every decision in my life and every outcome - I don't actually let things flow as they should because I am so rigid in that mindset - so that's why many things I wish to accomplish and do don't happen because I don't let them..

As Nora's coworkers are helping her decide what career field to switch to regarding her list of 'things she wants to do', Nora says:

"But what if I hate that too? Like, let's say I decide to become a librarian. I spend all this time and money getting a master's in library sciences, and then once I actually start working there, I realize I hate it. That's such a waste" (p. 281).

(Here, Nora is being realistic/pessimistic and she sounds just. like. me).

Further on, Nora writes another item on her list and uncertainty starts to kick in: "How could she be sure she'd like it (working at a bookstore)? Suppose she tried it and hated it; where would that leave her?" Nora sifted through these thoughts and argued against each one. Even if it didn't meet every item on her list, it met almost all of them, and that was better than anything she'd come across so far. And maybe one day, in the future, she'd find a job that checked every box, and her experience at the bookstore would prepare her for it." Then, "If she waited until she was sure, she would rot here forever, paralyzed by indecision - She had to try something. She had to start somewhere" (p. 287).

Finally, the ending of this book brought a form of closure that isn't total, but its partial message is what made me relate and love Nora even more so.

"Nora knew it wasn't over. Dark thoughts came to her any time she felt hopeless, and they would keep coming. The creature whispering to her from the corner of her mind would be back. But that didn't mean she had to listen. She could stop trying to fight it alone." When thinking about her future after quitting and starting a new job and still dealing with uncertainty, Nora shares: "Terrifying, more like, to feel so uncertain about her future. But some uncertainties were better than a lot of other certainties. - There had to be something here - or somewhere - that didn't feel meaningless. She had to believe there was - Uncertainty wasn't overwhelming anymore" (p. 321).

Extra oversharing: I saw this book at B&N back on 2/2/22 and was going to buy it but decided against it. Ironically, I found it at my local library 3 months later and checked it out, not expecting for me to feel so seen and heard in one book, specifically one character. I haven't related to a main character in a book in a very, very long time. This book is realistic and relatable to people in their twenties just trying to search for meaning, for purpose, for fulfillment, for a career/job that brings them some sort of stability - and Nora's character did just that for me.