finding myself series: entry 1

Sunday

11th September, 2022

There is something so incredibly fulfilling when speaking to other individuals who are creative, inspiring, motivated, ambitious, and awake as you are. There is a beauty in slowly, but gradually, finding the people you want to surround yourself with.

Earlier today, I met up with two friends of mine for some late lunch at a restaurant we’ve not been to before. We didn’t have an agenda or plan of what we were going to talk about or do during our meeting, which I now know, was for a reason. We sat down with our drinks and food and we started by asking how we were doing and what’s going on with our lives. We met at noon and we did not leave until 3:15pm.

That’s the beauty of spontaneity. We began talking about our lives; how we’re feeling, our thoughts, creative ideas, feeling lost, trying to find our ‘path,’ learning to accept ourselves, being open to change, healing, processing the life and world we live in, our hopes and dreams, our creative business ideas, etc.

I have never sat with these two friends of mine to talk before and today was the first day.

I cannot express how grateful I am to have been invited to lunch with them. Not only that, but to have met them at such a pivotal moment in my life.

There is a feeling of guidance and trust when you meet someone who is older than you, wise, and who understands your point of view and what you are processing in the current moment whether that be mentally, emotionally, or physically. One of my friends is a 30 year old. When I was sharing my thoughts and concerns about post-grad life and how stressful and overwhelmed I am in the moment with trying to find my ground and my place, she gave me a small smile and told me she was proud that I am going through what I am going through at my age. That she sees so much of herself in my other friend and I and that it’s such a cool experience seeing how we are becoming into ourselves. Hearing those words from someone who has been in similar shoes made me feel lighter than I have in months.

I can talk to so many people about my current issues, situations, and stresses. But it makes such a vast difference when I speak to others who LOOK like me, who have been through what I’ve been through, who come from the same cultural backgrounds as me, and who have had to undergo these various obstacles in life like I am. It is a connection I never take from granted, but one I wish there was more of. More opportunities. More room to meet like-minded people. More individuals who inspire and motivate others rather than bring them down and question their every thought and move.

I took so many things from our long 3 hour session I will remember for a very, very long time. However, there is one important thing I learned today. When you listen, truly listen and not only listen for your turn to speak, you make connections and you see things in a different light.

Naturally, we are our worst critics. We know that. We undermine our successes. We don’t objectively observer our talents and gifts because they come naturally to us which, in return, causes us to believe they’re not ‘that big of a deal’ or ‘not that difficult to do.’ Yet, we often forget that not every single person knows how to do something we’re really freaking good at or at least skilled in.

For example, I shared with my friends my dreams and goals and what fills my cup (as did they - such creative minds). I shared with them how I feel most inspired and passionate when I am creating. When I am writing, reading, talking, giving a speech, standing up for something I believe in, creating content, etc. I told them how I was recognized in school for my essays and for my manner of speaking and writing and THAT is the compliment that fills my cup. I can receive compliments from others about my looks, makeup, etc. but the one comment that lights a fire in me? When one compliments my writing or the manner in which I speak.

Now, when I speak, I feel like my mind is running 110mph and I stutter or stumble with my words. However, when talking with my friends, one of them told me how I am a great speaker. She shared that I get my point across in such a good, understandable manner and that I am great with words. She told me she isn’t surprised that I love to read and write, because she sees that is something that ignites my soul.

Her telling me this made me smile so big. Not only that, but it allowed me to take a step back, and realize that other people constantly tell me this. People I speak to tell me I am an excellent speaker, I know how to write, I get my point across, that I have a good presence, that I have potential, that I have a genuine talent/spark, etc. Yet, I never see that in myself. I feel like I don’t do enough or that I am faking it. But there is a reason that so many people tell me the same things every. single. time. So why don’t I take those compliments/comments and realize them? Why don’t I take them and use those to ignite and motivate me to truly follow my passions which is to write, read, and create with the skills I KNOW I am a natural at? Why do I constantly undermine my own abilities?

Because as humans we believe we are ‘average’ at what we are good at and that it’s not a big deal for others. I may not know how to code, how to build a house, how to fix a car, etc. Yet, when I see others who CAN do those things, they seem so cool, intelligent, and fascinating to me.

Therefore, what makes me think that people don’t see that in me? What makes me think that people don’t see how I show up for myself, how I express myself, how creative I am in what I do - and think to themselves: “Dang, that girl is cool. She knows how to express herself. She speaks really well. She seems so confident.”

When my friend shared this with me, being someone I have only seen and spoken to only a handful of times, it ignited a spark within me I unintentionally kept unlit. I KNOW what my deep passion is; it is what I’ve loved for ever since I was a kid. As a kid, I loved to read, I loved to writer, I loved to talk about things I liked or thoughts I had (I spoke to myself daily) I loved anything and everything that included stationery. And what do I love now? What do I do now that makes me happy? Reading daily makes me happy. Writing daily makes me happy. Creating content on my TikTok and website makes me incredibly happy. I am still obsessed with stationery and spend my money on it like there will never be enough paper or pens left.

This is what lights me up. These are the motivating people I want to surround myself with. These are the moves I want to make in my future to create something I am really freaking proud of.

So, why not do that?